The Wedding

This was written as a short script.

The Wedding

INT. HOTEL CORRIDOR – NIGHT

A handheld camera stares up into the face of ALAN, who’s
clearly doing something he shouldn’t, narrating into the
lens while surreptitiously creeping towards a numbered door
up ahead.

ALAN
This is what you don’t get to see
in the official cut; forget the
kiss and the cake and the first
dance, the real action comes
afterwards.

Alan reaches the door and lowers his voice to a whisper.

ALAN (CONT’D)
Inside, the Bride and Groom are
experiencing their first night
together as a married couple.

He produces a key from a suit pocket and holds it up.

ALAN (CONT’D)
A moment they can share with all
of you thanks to the generosity
of the hotel staff and a fifty
pound note.

He unlocks the door, opens it very slowly and ventures
inside. It’s quiet within, except… except for the faint
sound of snoring.

The camera picks out a shape on the bed, which reveals
itself as a disshevelled lump called ROGER when Alan
switches on the light. This lump is still dressed in the
attire of the groom and clearly fast asleep.

Alan puts the camera down on a chest of drawers, allowing
us to watch as he checks the room and then the en suite
bathroom, before returning with a glass of water he throws
over ROGER’s face.

When this fails to stir the groom, Alan slaps him across
the face until he comes to.

ROGER
What the fu…?

ALAN
Roger, it’s Alan. Where’s Tara?

ROGER
Who’s Tara? Hey, where are you
going?

Alan and the camera look back at him from the door.

ALAN
I am going to find your wife.

 

INT. THE HOLDMAN HOUSE – DAY

A man and a woman sitting stiffly on a sofa presented with
the caption:

‘Mr and Mrs Holdman – Parents of the Groom’

MR HOLDMAN
Tara’s such a…

MRS HOLDMAN
You could call her a very nice,
presentable young girl, I think.

MR HOLDMAN
Yes. You could call her an angel
in human form. You could.

MRS HOLDMAN
Yes.

They both nod.

 

INT. ROGER’S HOUSE – DAY

Roger is playing on his Playstation while the camera
watches.

Caption: ‘Roger Holdman – The Groom’

ROGER
For the only reason a guy should
ever get married. Perfect tits.

 

INT. HOTEL CORRIDOR – NIGHT

Alan takes the camera out into the corridor and looks for a
sign of Tara. Seeing none, he heads around the next corner
to where Mr Holdman is curled up on the ground outside
another room, his suit jacket serving as a makeshift
pillow.

The camera still Alan’s eyes, he crouches down by the
father of the groom.

ALAN
Mr Holdman?

MR HOLDMAN
You really expect me to be
asleep?
Eighteen pints and not a wink.
It’s cos soon as I look at her -
stone cold sober. Is that bloody
camera on?

ALAN
I’m looking for Tara. Have you
seen her?

MR HOLDMAN
Ha, she came this way. Pretend to
sleep I did, then tripped the
little bitch as she ran past.
Laugh I did…

The door opens abruptly.

MRS HOLDMAN
Did I hear that right? Our dear
daughter in law has fled the
scene? Didn’t I say this would
happen?

 

INT. THE HOLDMAN HOUSE – DAY

The Holdmans retreat from the sofa, clearing suffering from
having sit in such close proximity to each other.

MRS HOLDMAN
She’s after his money. Soon as
the ring’s on her finger she’ll
be gone.

MR HOLDMAN
But what’s our Roger got? Debts
up to his eyeballs and a genital
fungus infection.

MRS HOLDMAN
I didn’t say she was bright!
Besides, we all know who Roger
gets his roving penis from.

MR HOLDMAN
I think we can guess where he got
that fungal infection too.

Mrs Holdman is shocked at the suggestion.

 

INT. HOTEL CORRIDOR – NIGHT

Alan leaves the parents of the groom behind, her kicking
him where he lies on the floor, him trying to bite her
ankles.

Ahead is the lift and Alan reaches it as the doors slide
open, revealing Roger awkwardly trying to roger a
bridesmaid – KELLY.

ROGER
Hey, Alan. Going down?

He grins a lascivious grin.

 

INT. ROGER’S HOUSE – DAY

The camera is on a worktop, watching Alan confronting a
defensive Roger.

ROGER
It was a joke, joking, course I
was. Love her, goes without
saying. You know that. Tits help,
but shit, man, what do you take
me for? Anyway, she told me to…
this wedding business, the video,
you know what she’s like. Wants
it done professional. And mate,
well, you ain’t. I tried to
talking to her, but… listen,
you can still do this behind the
scenes stuff. Sure. That’s the
good stuff, right? Besides, I
need you at the wedding. You’re
my right hand man. That’s why
I’ve got to ask you. You’d do me
the greatest honour, mate, if
you’d agree, y’know, to be one of
the ushers.

 

INT. HOTEL LIFT – NIGHT

The camera watches Alan push Roger out of the open doors of
the lift into the ground floor lobby.

ALAN
You are married now. Got that? No
more screwing around.

Roger defers to Alan’s indignation, but really can’t see
what the fuss is about.

Alan turns to camera.

ALAN (CONT’D)
Give me the camera.

He snatches it back off KELLY and points it at her
accusatorially.
Aren’t you supposed to be Tara’s
friend?

 

INT. KELLY AND SHELLEY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Kelly and SHELLEY, the two blonde bridesmaids, dolling
themselves up for a night out.

Caption: ‘Kelly and Shelley – The Bridesmaids’

KELLY
I’ve known her since infant
school. We’ve fought over boys,
clothes, shoes…

SHELLEY
Hey Kelly, yeah, like the time
you tried to blind her with a
hair grip.

KELLY
We’re like sisters, really.

SHELLEY
And when Eddie dumped you because
he was in love with Tara and you
set fire to her parents’ house.

KELLY
That’s why it’s great she’s
getting married. I wouldn’t touch
Roger with a barge pole.

 

INT. HOTEL LOBBY – NIGHT

Kelly is slumped down beside a half-asleep Roger. His flies
are wide open. She’s pulled out the elasticated band of his
boxer shorts and is peering inside with disgust. She lets
the band snap back into place.

ALAN
He’s been drinking cocktails
since six, you were never going
to see any action there. Now,
have you seen Tara?

KELLY
She was hitting on some old bloke
at the bar a few minutes ago.

 

INT. HOTEL BAR – NIGHT

The craggy old man propped up at the bar is HORACE. When
he’s not eyeing the camera suspiciously, he’s casting
loving glances at the drink in his hand.

HORACE
Such a sweet, innocent girl.
Never has a bad word for anyone.
Hearing her sing in Church was
the highlight of my week.
Exquisite breasts too. I just
wanted to…

ALAN
She’s your niece!

HORACE
But she always said she loved her
Uncle Horace the best! And I
could take care of her better
than any of those scum boyfriends
she went out with.

 

INT. KELLY AND SHELLEY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

KELLY
Well, first of all there was
Jason.

SHELLEY
Ooh, yes. The astronaut…

 

INT. PRISON VISITING ROOM – DAY

Caption: Jason – The Astronaut

JASON
We really had something. I never
wanted anyone else. Then I got
framed for armed robbery…

 

INT. KELLY AND SHELLEY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

KELLY
Then there was Sean.

SHELLEY
He played for Manchester United,
you know?

 

INT. CHANGING ROOM – DAY

Caption: Sean – Professional Footballer

SEAN
I never found out why they sold
me to Shanghai International.
Long distance relationships never
work out…

 

INT. KELLY AND SHELLEY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

SHELLEY
Don’t forget Arnold. He was
nerdy, but cute.

KELLY
No, he was just nerdy.

 

INT. BROTHEL – DAY

Caption: Arnold – Research Scientist

A buxom girl sits in lingerie and a silk dressing gown.

ARNOLD
The night before I could propose
I was kidnapped by white slave
traders and… well, women fetch
a higher price. I couldn’t face
Tara now, not after what they did
to me, but even back then I
always got the feeling there was
someone else…

 

INT. KELLY AND SHELLEY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

SHELLEY
What about that guy with the big
eyebrows?

KELLY
The gardener? She was just using
him. All she wanted was his
fertiliser.

SHELLEY
Ned, he blew up tower blocks, he
was lovely.

KELLY
Shelley, never trust a man who
objects that strongly to
erections.

SHELLEY
She did seem to give up on men
after Arnold went missing.

KELLY
And then she met Roger.

 

INT. HOTEL BAR – NIGHT

HORACE
If I hear anyone say he’s
mistreating her, well, I’ll get
my cricket bat…

ALAN
Where did she go after talking to
you?

HORACE
She ran outside. She looked
upset.

Alan and the camera head back toward the lobby. Other
drunken wedding guests are strewn around the bar, unable to
make the walk back to their rooms.

 

INT. HOTEL LOBBY – NIGHT

Alan heads for the main door, but then spins back to the
reception desk. There’s no one there, but muffled noises
are coming from that direction.

Alan ventures over. As the camera peers over the desk, the
Roger crouching down there suddenly jumps to his feet.

ROGER
Before you say anything, I got it
right this time.

He helps another girl to her feet. This time it’s a
brunette. Roger turns and squints at his companion.

ROGER (CONT’D)
It’s Tara, isn’t it? Yes, Tara.
My wife.

ALAN
No, it’s not.

Alan reaches out and pulls the brunette wig off the girl’s
head, revealing it to be Shelley, the other bridesmaid.

SHELLEY
I am Tara!

She snatches back the wig and puts it back on. She grabs
Roger’s arm.

SHELLEY (CONT’D)
I’m Tara and this is my husband.
We’re going to be so happy
together.
Shelley could never be happy, but
I’m Tara. Everything goes right
for Tara.

ALAN
Did you do something to her?

SHELLEY
But I’m Tara! I am!

Shelley bursts into tears. Roger isn’t sure quite what to
do. Alan hasn’t got time for this, he turns and heads
outside.

 

EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY

Alan jogs out onto the gravel fore-court. It’s clear from
the distant trees and dark horizon that this hotel is out
in the country and far from civilisation.

It looks like a couple of drunks are dancing between the
parked cars. Then they separate and each throw lazy punches
that fail to connect before they come together and start
grappling again. This is REMO and REVEREND OLIVER.

Alan runs over.

REMO
Take back what you said about my
mother!

REVEREND OLIVER
Take issue with the Bible, boy,
not me. That’s where it says your
mother is the Whore of Babylon!

Remo grits his teeth and manages to land one or two
ineffective blows before the Reverend decides kicks are a
better bet than punches.

ALAN
Remo! Reverend Oliver! Have you
seen Tara?

They don’t stop fighting, but they do try to answer.

REVEREND OLIVER
She is gone, my son. The time of
the rapture is upon us and young
Tara has already joined with the
Heavenly host.

REMO
Bollocks. She came out here and
there were lights and shit, but
they weren’t angels.
It was fucking aliens, Alan, and
this bastard wouldn’t let me stop
them taking her!

REVEREND OLIVER
Unbeliever! She has gone to a
better place. Whereas you, son of
a whore, will burn in Hell!

REMO
Then I’m taking you down with me!

Their fight descends to a petty scuffle in the dirt. Alan
looks around with the camera and catches sight of a figure
watching from the side of the building. When they’re
spotted, the figure disappears from view.

Alan runs over, skidding in the gravel and rounding the
corner. There’s no sign of anyone.

He ventures forward. It’s dark. The shadows provide
numerous hiding places.

Alan stops and listens. There’s the faint sound of panicked
breathing, but it’s quickly lost to the sound of car tyres
rolling up the long drive to the hotel.

Alan turns as a figure darts out from behind a bush and
runs back to the car park. He takes chase and grabs what
turns out to be a girl – TAMMY – by the arm.

TAMMY
Please, let go!

ALAN
Tammy?

TAMMY
I’ve got to go. Please.

ALAN
But… okay. Just… I’m looking
for Tara. She’s missing. Have you
seen her?

TAMMY
No! Yes… I… I did see her.
She told me to leave. She said
something bad was coming. She
said she’d booked a taxi and I
should take it.

The car has pulled to a stop. It’s obviously a taxi. The
headlights bring shouts from the drunks on the fore-court.

REMO
The aliens! They’re back to suck
out our brains!

REVEREND OLIVER
Lord, smite down this fool and
then let me join you!

ALAN
You saw her? What’s going to
happen?

TAMMY
I saw her. She brought me outside
and told me to wait here, she
didn’t say why. Then this big
truck pulled up and she told me
to hide. I didn’t see her again.

ALAN
What about your brother, Roger?
What about the others? If
something bad’s going to
happen…

TAMMY
Why should I care about them?
They don’t care about anyone but
themselves. Please, Alan, let me
go.

Wordlessly, he lets go of her arm and she rushes over to
the taxi where the driver is trying to fend off Remo and
Reverend Oliver.

Alan looks round in despair, then spies a service door at
the side of the hotel. He ventures inside.

 

INT. HOTEL SERVICE HALL – NIGHT

It’s quiet. Alan sees muddy footprints on the floor. They
lead to another door. He opens it and sees steps leading
down to a cellar. He starts climbing down.

 

INT. CELLAR – NIGHT

The cellar is expansive and dark. Alan switches the camera
to film in a green, low-light mode.

It’s full of plumbing and boxes that mean Alan has to weave
his way carefully to the back of the room, unable to see
what lies more than a few steps ahead.

Alan jumps on hearing a sudden wail. It sounds like
someone’s in pain.

He looks around in panic, caught between running to help
and running for safety.

Another scream. Alan stumbles forward. He catches sight of
figures up ahead. He edges nearer, but catches an object on
a shelf that crashes to the floor.

After watching it fall he turns back to a fist that knocks
him to the ground.

He looks up with the camera to see Roger hurriedly pulling
up his trousers. Moving the camera on, he finds a
statuesque woman standing over him, a sharpened stiletto
digging into his chest.

ALAN
My God, Roger. You didn’t? Not
with her?

TARA’S MOTHER
Roger is a good boy. He does what
he’s told. Especially by his dear
Mother-in-Law.

ALAN
And what about Tara?

TARA’S MOTHER
We’ve had a heart to heart, Tara
and I. Mother to daughter. I told
her some home truths. She didn’t
deserve any of the other boys she
fell for, so I had them sent
away. Roger’s different. Roger’s
an idiot and his family’s
contemptible, but even then she
had to understand she could only
have him on my terms.
Unfortunately, she objected.

ALAN
Where is she?

TARA’S MOTHER
She’s gone. Oh, not far. A girl
can’t escape her mother’s love,
but I wouldn’t bother looking for
her. Not you. She couldn’t stand
you, you know. Always hanging
around like a love-sick puppy.
Didn’t the fact she chose to
marry this cretin instead tell
you anything?

The stiletto is removed. She knows she’s caused enough pain
without having to resort to physical violence.

TARA’S MOTHER (CONT’D)
Come, Roger. The honeymoon suite
is free and that viagra pill’s
still good for another couple of
hours.

The odd couple leave. Alan lies still on the floor,
breathing, but doing little else.

Finally, he gets unsteadily to his feet. Then he lashes
out, knocking boxes aside and falling into a group of
barrels as a result.

Looking down at the barrels he sees wires leading from them
into a bundle of electronics topped by a LED display that’s
counting down steadily from two minutes.

It takes Alan a moment to register exactly what this means.

ALAN
Fuck.

He turns and runs through the cellar.

He hits the stairs and climbs them two at a time.

The door at the top is kicked open and Alan runs through
the service area and outside.

 

EXT. SIDE OF HOTEL – NIGHT

Alan is breathing hard as he comes to a halt on the gravel.
He suddenly realises he hasn’t got time to catch his
breath.

He looks to the carpark. He can’t see anyone.

Staggering backwards, he looks up at the windows above and
sees some of them lit.

Then he looks to the back of the hotel and the expansive
grounds. In the distance lies a gently-lit gazebo.

Alan runs over to the edge of the grass and stops again.
He’s sure now; inside the gazebo sits a figure in a white
dress.

He jogs across the grass, increasing his pace to a run and
then slowing again as he draws near.

The figure in the white dress is drinking a glass of
champagne, the bottle sitting a bucket of ice sat on a
table.

Alan looks back at the hotel. It’s unchanged. A solid
building illuminated by orange lights, surrounded by
darkness.

He reaches the gazebo.

TARA is looking at him from over her glass.

She does say anything for a time. Neither does Alan.

TARA
I thought you would run for help.

ALAN
So did I. You told Tammy to
leave. What about the others?
What about me?

TARA
The staff have already left. As
for everyone else… I always
knew only one person would try to
find me.

She holds Alan’s gaze. Then she checks her watch.

TARA (CONT’D)
Too late to be a hero.

A thunderous explosion sounds behind Alan, a violent burst
of light lashing the grounds and drawing a sly smile from
Tara.

She produces a second glass and fills it as flaming debris
rains to the ground around them.

She offers it to Alan.

TARA (CONT’D)
The honeymoon’s booked and paid
for. It’d be a shame for it to go
to waste.

Alan considers the glass, considers Tara, then accepts her
offer.

FADE OUT.

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